Why you have to let your children take risks

Wanting to protect your child is natural, but if he is not mistaken, he will not learn. In her book The best for my child , Guillemette Faure gives some ways to let go.
What access to screens should we leave to our children? Should we make skin princesses and pink? And if we put the chores up to date? In The Best For My Child (Editions Les Arenes), Guillemette Faure explores the very contemporary questions of young parents, answers them with her anecdotes gleaned in France and the United States and a multitude of studies and experiments carried out in recent years. years. An exciting book. For L'Express Styles, she returns to the question of the autonomy of the child.

You make fun of protective parents, whom you call "helicopter parents". What is it?



The helicopter parent is the one who stays stuck over his child's head in the park, in birthday snacks and just about anywhere, in case of danger or even difficulty . There is a paradox: every parent wants his child to do something on his own , but we want him to never take any risk, no wrong branch, so we do not let him choose. We secure the interior of the apartments, we do not want him to be hurt psychologically. Even a defeat at local football becomes something hard to overcome! 

Studies show that children who are least exposed physically are those who are more likely to be injured later. The child believes that the goal is to eliminate risks, not to progress. And that the role of parents is to avoid defeats.


This corresponds to the rise of self-esteem in the United States in the 1980s. This trend ensures that the child must always be encouraged to trust him. Everything must be transformed into success. 

All that is good, but there is a misunderstanding: children know very well when parents do things for them, they are not stupid. And now, these children are adults and their parents send CVs "to help them". They continue to do their child's place, taking away any chance of progressing alone and having confidence in him.


Obviously, this behavior feeds on economic concerns . Parents are afraid of the future and want the best for their child. So they try to help him as much as possible. This behavior is also explained by the fact that we make fewer children in our time and we do them later. Parents therefore tend to treat having children with the same seriousness as a professional record.

What do we teach a child when he is left to fend for himself?

It's a question of plasticity of the brain. He learns to evaluate situations. For example, in Europe, more and more difficult games are emerging in children's squares. These games are less about being in the sensation than the effort. In Liverpool, there is a playground where children can make a fire. It is a bit extreme but this approach shows the interest for the child to discover and measure himself the risks and his ability to progress.

What questions do you ask before letting your child do anything alone? 

I wonder: "After all, what is the worst scenario?" My daughter started wanting to cut vegetables at age 3, what is the risk? To cut yourself? Is it serious ? Another example: if she wants to climb on a wall, at worst worse, she finds herself with a broken arm. 

My daughter is 5 years old today and she learned during her holidays with her uncle to make fire with twigs and a magnifying glass. I shuddered. Then I thought, why not?

I let my daughter pack her bags for the holidays. At worst, she will have a sweater too hot, or missing panties. We will find a solution.

When we are afraid, we do not project ourselves to the end of the situation. But often, we realize that our fear is greater than the danger .

Last time at the market, I gave my daughter a big ticket to buy flowers because I did not have any change. She came back with a bouquet of beautiful and very expensive flowers. The florist had played a little of her naivety. The worst thing was getting ripped off. We can rectify: I went to change the bouquet and I got my ticket, it was not very serious.

What advice do you give after writing this book? 

When I started writing my book, I kept asking around: what has been most important to you in your parents' education? People never answered me: "When they helped me for this thing" or "When they accompanied me for another". Most of the time, they would say, "When my parents let me do it."